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What I Will Tell My Son

By on April 20, 2018 in Open-hearted, relationship

I mentioned in a previous post that I had been thinking about what to tell my son about dating and sex and love recently (besides ‘use condoms no matter what,’ ‘ask permission,’ and ‘be kind’). I mean, I’ve actually thought about it since he came home in 3rd grade with a crush on his teacher, and we’ve been very committed to building the foundations for good relationships and…eventually…sex. But I’ve been thinking about some important wisdom I want to pass on to him. This is what I’ve got so far.

 

Photo by Sabina Ciesielska on Unsplash

 

Date.

I grew up in a time when people actually dated. Two people, going out somewhere together, spending time getting to know each other. I know that the generations coming up behind me brought us the ‘group’ date, where there was a clutch of kids who hung out together and some paired off from time to time. But that’s not the same as dating. And neither is Tinder.

I’m going to tell him to date. To practice asking a person out (and being both accepted and denied). To figure out who pays and how that works with each person. To learn the logistics of how to find fun things to do and how to compromise on what is chosen. To know, from the first few moments, that the date is going to suck and then remain polite and friendly and get out of it quickly. To learn to let someone down when the feeling is not mutual and to accept it when he’s not someone’s cup of tea, either. To enjoy the infatuation stage (because it’s so fun!); to learn to fly and laugh and do silly, stupid stuff in that stage, because it’s good to lose your mind in love sometimes.

But also to practice taking one step at a time. Especially when he first starts out. To go out. To get sweaty palms when you first hold hands. To get all awkward with the first kiss. To learn who the other person is, and let them learn you. To wait…a while…until they have sex. Because sex is an entirely different ball game (sorry) and there is no going back to ‘holding hands’ once you cross the line into sex. From the side of life I’m on, it’s important to have steps between ‘hello’ and ‘I’d like to sleep with you.’ Those steps keep your heart safe, your mind less confused, and your energy less entwined should things fall apart. And, god knows, dating and being a teenager are fucking confusing enough.

 

Sex is energy exchange.

I grew up in a fairly religious household and I was told to wait until I was married to have sex. I obviously didn’t, but one thing I recognize as being part of this rule is that sex is important because it is an energy exchange. Tantra is very clear about this- when we engage in sex, we are connecting to some of the most intense (sometimes hidden) energy of the person we’re with. And that can be great, but it can also be a mess. (I spoke about this some in this post– beware, it is about rape.)

I want my son to know that whoever he sleeps with will leave some of their energy with him. Even if it’s just a little. Even if he barely remembers sleeping with them. Some part of them will stay with him. And therefore to choose his lovers wisely. This is not to say that everything has to be deep- sometimes a good one-night stand or a quick fuck can be a fantastic energy exchange. But just to understand that some part of it will stick with him. And to think about that before getting it on.

 

It’s good to have your heart broken at least once. 

Because, my god, does it give you compassion for people. Whether it’s unrequited love or a full-on break up from a much loved relationship, we all need to do it. We need to feel the pain of having our heart smashed to smithereens and learn how to heal from it. That is probably the most important piece- for him to learn how he handles a break-up and to learn to take care of himself when it happens. Whether that’s a bit of depression (more than 2 weeks and you need to see the doctor, okay?), or a fuck ton of Doritos and Netflix, I don’t care. But he needs to learn this.

Also, a good break-up can help us learn how to be better at loving and relating the next time around. I will do my damnedest to help him figure out what went wrong, take responsibility for his part in it, and learn to do better next time. But only after the Doritos and the sad songs and the weeks in sweat pants.

 

Learn from good men.

My son has a very good role model in his father. A man who communicates and grows and listens and isn’t afraid of his own needs or soft side. I am grateful for this. My son also has other types of men who he admires and respects. I know he will learn good things from them about relationships (of all kinds).

But I’m also going to point him towards people like Jayson Gaddis and Bryan Reeves, who know their shit when it comes to being in long-term relationships, how to fight well, and how to learn and grow in relationships. I will tell my son that the most important things he can do and learn for romantic relationships is communication and personal growth. Because men who don’t grow will get left behind in love. I believe the men in his life will also show him how to be courageous in relationship, which is also important.

 

If it’s wishy-washy, let it go. 

If there is a relationship where my son gets together, breaks up, and rinse, repeat x 10,  I will tell him what I know as a minister: these relationships never do well in the long run; let it go. I’ve performed marriages for a fair amount of people, and the ones who decided to get married because they’d been engaged and broken up 3 times already or because they needed to ‘fish or cut bait’ don’t end up married for long. It almost never works out in a healthy, happy way. There is a subtle but hugely important difference between someone who wants you and someone who just doesn’t like the feeling of your absence.

So I will tell my son to let her go. To go through not only the break up, but also the understanding that someday she may invite him to her wedding, and he will have to revisit this shit all over again. Or that she may call him in five years, a different person, and he’ll have to go through all the receipts from the fist time and say no with a heavy heart. I will hold him and help him as he goes through the birthing of himself out of that relationship (because there is a lot of crying and gnashing of teeth and ‘I don’t know which way to turn’- I’ve been there) because that’s how it goes. The heart is a house with many rooms, and some we have to leave unwillingly (this is how we develop strength). Because wishy-washy is not what works; knowing and choosing is.

 

When you know, choose her. 

The men I know who are happiest in their marriages had two things happen when they chose their mate: 1- they ‘knew’ sometime within the first few weeks or months that ‘s/he was the one’ and 2- they chose their mate, clearly and purposefully. My husband says he ‘knew’ because he felt so good around me, he felt lifted up and supported and seen. We had our rocky spots, but he knew he wanted to choose me, and he did. One other man I know said his wife smelled right to him. Whether that’s biology and pheromones or just a hint of cinnamon because she’s a cook, I don’t know. But he ‘knew’ and he picked her.

The other item is so important I cannot tell you. Some men choose their partners based on practicality or ‘shoulds’ (‘I should choose her, she’s so smart and pretty and x, y, z’), but those relationships tend to go sour after a while. I think it’s because they aren’t choosing the other person from their gut or from their own truth or knowing or deepest desire; they are choosing from some outside metric and that’s no good. The men who have chosen a woman from something they sense inside themselves (it’s sometimes as simple as a clear, deep ‘I want to be with HER’), those are the relationships that last. And I think it’s because when a guy chooses, he sticks to that commitment. (I could be wrong, but that’s my experience.)

I will tell my son to listen to his own knowing. And when he finds the one who smells right or makes him feel the best or whatever, when he knows, to pick her. And to do it over and over again.

 

True love changes.

True love is when the type of love Person 1 gives most easily is exactly the type of love Person 2 is craving *and* when the type of love Person 2 gives most easily is the type of love Person 1 is craving. It is a heady fucking combo and it feels like safety and flying all at once because it’s so easy to give and it feels so good to get exactly what you want. And if he should find that, I will tell him to hold on to it and do the work of a lifetime so that it doesn’t leave him.

How we give and receive love changes with age and healing (if we do our work!), which is why communication and personal growth are so important. But the couple who can honestly discuss what’s going on for each of them, even when it hurts them or the other person, is the couple that will last. Going through the growth together is what counts. Certainly, it may not last. Humans are made to have 2-3 long-term relationships over the course of their life. But if he can communicate and grow and seek to grow together, he can be proud of what happens, even if that is the dissolution of the relationship.

I will tell him I know this because it is the work his father and I have done for 22 years now. We fell into this kind of love- true love- but we also became best friends and decided to do the work (sometimes the really fucking hard, painful work) of staying together and growing together. We always want the best for each other, and that is what has made it work for us. Our happiness is somewhat linked to the other’s happiness (it’s a healthy dose of co-dependency, not the hurtful kind) and we take the other person’s needs and dreams seriously. And we have also had three fights where we almost got divorced and handful of other fights where one or the both of us figured out we needed therapy (because the root of our problem was not ‘us’ but our personal past or trauma). Sometimes keeping the couple alive means healing individual wounds. I will tell my son this.

 

Be yourself and find the one who loves that.

There are ideas (and memes) floating around that say we have to love ourselves before someone else can love us or that we have to somehow get over all our shit before we can be good in a relationship. These ideas are both bollocks. Because while a decent level of self-respect and self-esteem are pretty key, being in relationship is going to bring up a person’s shit and there is no way around that and no way to preempt it with therapy or self growth. There just isn’t. Relationship is its own cauldron and you have to let the fire of it change you (hopefully into something more refined).

There are hard things I am going to have to let my son learn on his own. He will learn boundaries by not having good ones, which is okay as long as he has a good community safety net to help him. He will learn to not play games by playing and getting tired of it. He will have to learn that being honest with himself and his partner is paramount by fucking that up, too.

Jayson Gaddis taught me that life and relationships are a struggle between wanting to be ourselves and wanting to be loved. And we sometimes hide pieces of ourselves so that we can be loved. So I will tell my son: find someone you can be as much of yourself with as possible, find someone who will listen to and love the truth of you. Provide the same in return. Stay communicating and honest about who you are and who you are becoming so that you can have both a strong sense of yourself and feel loved.

::: ::: ::: :::

I’m sure this isn’t all I’ll have to tell him. And certainly these lessons will come as they come- some at 14, some at 24. But I want him to learn these things earlier than I did so he can have a better chance at longer love.

What wisdom do you have for the young-and-in-love?

With gratitude,
Joanna :: xoxo

 

 

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Lessons in Love + Desire

By on April 18, 2018 in dark, light, Open-hearted, relationship

Or, what I learned from this last Mercury in Retrograde. (If you want some good info on Mercury in Retrograde, please check this post from The Tarot Lady. Her tarot and astrology info is informative, funny, and practical.)

Over the years, and over the course of many relationships, I have come to believe that the heart is a house with many rooms. For me, there is a floor for friendships, another for family, and, of course, an entire floor (or maybe a wing) for romantic relationships. The first room on that floor belongs to a blonde name Mark who I fell for in 6th grade. I felt so giggly and silly and could barely do anything but smile when I saw him in class. We moved to a new city at Christmas that year, so I don’t know what became of him. But he was my first real crush.

There are probably 8 or 10 more rooms on the romantic floor. Wait, let me count…it’s 16. Damn. Sixteen rooms between my first crush and the room where I hold the relationship with my husband. Not all of those other rooms were relationships, but they all helped me learn something about being in romantic relationships.

Each room is unique, of course. Each one has a particular shape and size. Some have a lot of stuff in them. Some are almost bare. Some are dark. Some are almost forgotten. But they are rooms with memories and feelings and experiences, and I can visit them if I need to. Lately, I’ve found myself revisiting the earliest rooms on the romantic floor because my son is starting to notice girls and watch his peers begin to date. I’m having to remember those times in my own adolescence so I can (hopefully) help him navigate them better.

For most people, the rooms on the romantic floor of their heart house stop at the one where the relationship that eventually lead to their marriage exists. I will talk about that as part of this journey, but I want to talk about the two rooms that came after my marriage relationship room.

The first room was gorgeous and sexy- dark red paint, four poster bed, silk sheets, red velvet curtains, black lace, chaise lounge, candles everywhere, closed curtains, and plenty of dark corners for dark deeds. It was a room almost entirely full of passion. It is the room where I desired the man who I was attracted to during the Sex Surge (when my libido went way up and I basically could not stop thinking about sex all day- it was fun and horrible). All the desires and fantasies and stupid things I did, said, and wrote live in that room.

This is how the room started out, anyhow. If you go look at it today, it’s very different. There are burn marks on the floor and walls from emotional bombs I set off myself. There are water marks on the walls from the inches of tears of frustration I cried. The curtains are open now, there’s nothing on the walls. The bed is a shambles, desperately broken; I took an axe to it so I could finally leave. There is a photo book with the important memories that I can flip through, when I need to. I learned a lot in that room- about sex, desire, passion, fear- and it took me forever to finally leave it. It took so much strength and practice and pain and energy, but I did it- because I knew my life, my heart, and my soul would be better for it. [I was not so much addicted to him, because he just wasn’t around, as I was addicted to desire and hope. And weaning yourself off emotions can take a lot of effort.]

The room after that is very small. It’s full of windows and white curtains and the sun shines right through so the light almost looks yellow. There is only one thing in the room: a simple bed with white sheets, pillows, comfy blankets. And while desire lived in this room, too, it was much simpler and a lot more infatuation than passion. I took the lessons from the passionate room and learned to leave this one faster. Not to say I didn’t make a bit of a mess along the way (messes are for learning!), but I got out much faster and much easier. I still sometimes visit this room – it’s really quite lovely and calming. (I realized the other day that it is what I was envisioning when I first began to feel into my Wild Heart stage.)

The men I was attracted to in these rooms still walk by and throw virtual pebbles at the window, which is fine. I send them metta. The guy from the sunshine room gets extra prayers. Whenever I sit down to meditate I offer metta and then pray that he falls in love soon. He’s at the stage of life when everyone is pairing off into long-term partnerships and he certainly deserves (and wants, I think) one. [Some kind of something has been happening to him since Sunday night, which is good news. I don’t know if he’s changing to dating his fwb (maybe falling in love with them!) or dating someone new or maybe just hanging with himself, but I truly hope (hope! hope! hope!) he has found his person. I want him to be happy.]

 

Photo by Valentina Locatelli on Unsplash

 

The guy from the sunshine room is the interesting one because there was almost a possibility of an affair with him. Maybe. Almost. Sorta. (I’m quite sure he thought about it.) And I wanted one- after years, I wanted one again. And this is where Mercury in Retrograde set me down and had a good, long talk with me.

When I was in the Sex Surge, part of what I learned was how to channel passion and desire into other places in my life when I couldn’t connect with the guy I was interested in. I learned how to pour it into art, dance, my kids, decorating, erotica. I also changed my marriage in terms of communication, sex, touch, sensual expression, and time away from kids (more of that, please!). I really did fix holes in my marriage and myself. I healed some old wounds and learned how to let that passionate part of myself out to play. (I’m still learning this, honestly.)

This time around, what I discovered is that sometimes there is nothing wrong with a marriage. Sometimes there is not really anything to heal, personally. Sometimes we just desire. We just get infatuated. We just want to jump into the fun of connection. For the first time, in this Mercury in retrograde, I considered the idea that I didn’t need to fight my desire or fix anything about it. Because there is nothing wrong with my marriage. And there is far less brokenness in me than before. I decided, instead of fighting my desire (coming at it perpendicular) to accept it (to run parallel with it). It’s not something I need to fight anymore, I can just let it be.

Of course, there are choices to make when desire comes up again (as it surely will). One thing I am learning since I have accepted my own beauty is that I am attracted to dudes with a lot of potential and a fair amount of brokenness (or emotional immaturity). That is not a standard I want to uphold in the future. I can make choices around that, even in the midst of infatuation. Which actually means I probably will never have an affair, because dudes have got to be as quality as my husband. And he’s one of a kind.

Which leads me to tell you about the room our relationship grows in on the romantic floor of my heart house. It’s a huge room. We’ve been together 22 years. It has decorations and pictures from all the countries we’ve visited (and we lived in England the first year of our marriage). It’s got some bomb blasts, too, but those have been cleaned up and now plants and children and love grow there. There are tears of both pain and joy. (My engagement ring is made of pearls, which symbolize tears- I wanted all this emotion.) There is a bed with a headboard of beautiful Moroccan scroll work, rich, warm sheets, and a fireplace, a huge couch. There is light and color and so much comfort and safety I cannot tell you. There are everyday places to connect and touch and get it on. There is passion here, too- it’s the only room I’ve had 3-minute orgasms in! There is trust and joy and so many levels of intimacy and love I’m not sure I can describe them. We have worked through everything in this room. Just this morning, when I was sweaty from working out, and frightened because of a health issue, he lay down on the floor (because: ab workout) and held me as I cried. The room we have built is magical, and I want to live in it forever.

One of the most important tools I learned in the Sex Surge was to ask, “What do I think I will get or experience if I sleep with this person?” (or connect, or whatever). The answer to that question is full of gold, because we don’t need that other person (usually) to get those experiences. It’s simply that they ‘flip the switch’ for us to be or have or experience those things more easily than we can do for ourselves. The sunshine room was a place where I wanted lack of responsibility, joy, infatuation, recognition, appreciation, playfulness, laughter, relaxation, rest, and a simple kind of sensuality and pleasure. But these are all things I can give myself. They don’t require anyone else.

So, this Mercury in Retrograde taught me two important lessons: that I can align with my desire instead of fight it and that I can have what I most want without taking another lover*.

You know what this means? It’s time for a new tattoo. :o)

Big love from the trail, my people,
Joanna :: xoxo

*If you see me refer to a ‘lover’ or ‘boyfriend’ that’s my husband. He has many different roles in my life, those are just two. I mean, why limit yourself ?

 

::: ::: ::: :::

Confidential to Xela521:

You are, of course, welcome to visit any city, in any state, or country, whenever you wish. But if you are coming to my town with the intent to visit me (or drive by or whatever), please know: that’s very bad boundaries and I can’t imagine it will end well. If you feel the need to communicate with me, there are three, publicly-available email addresses you can reach me at. I welcome anything you want to communicate to me. Most especially if it’s 25k words in all caps. For everyone’s sake: hold smart boundaries.

 

 

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Someone Dances

By on April 17, 2018 in Music, Poetry

Dance, dance wherever you may be, for I am the Lord of the dance, said He.
– ancient song

Someone dances all completely still
Someone dances all childlike and playful
Someone dances all electric flash
Someone dances all touching the ground
Someone dances all self-conscious
Someone dances on without any reason
Someone dances so peaceful and easy
Someone dances with hair all crazy
Someone dances in a lonely moment
Someone dances in God consciousness
Someone dances with very much caring
Someone dances so inspired and joyous
Someone dances on faith alone
Someone dances all nameless and wandering
Someone dances in flowing beauty
Someone dances all forgotten and naked
Someone dances all lost for words
Someone dances all completely dance

-John Fox

 

Photo by Ardian Lumi on Unsplash

 

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New Moon in Aries

By on April 15, 2018 in astro shizz, moon cycle

Hello, loves. Tonight or tomorrow, depending on who you ask and where you are, is the first new moon of the new astrological calendar. As noted in yesterday’s post, there is a lot of energy swirling this weekend (Friday the 13th, end of Mercury in retrograde, and the new moon) so if life feels kinda crazy, or suddenly kinda clear, it’s okay. As long as you’re alive and breathing you can keep going on this delightfully fucked up ride called ‘life.’ Here’s what’s on for the new moon.

From The Numinous ::

You stand on the edge of a diving board. In the action of jumping, two things happen: you leave behind the position that you knew, and you start developing a new arc.

Before you jump it helps to know your intention and direction. Where do you want to go? How do you want to act? Who are you becoming?

Aries is the first sign of the zodiac. This is the birth, the awakening. The sparked match that starts a bonfire. Warm yourself in the toasty flames of your brilliant visions.

The past weeks have been combative. Can you orient yourself toward inspiration instead? Plant seeds around the actions you’ll take, the creations you’ll make, and the new ways that you’ll put yourself out there. Conceive your new beginnings.

At the time of this New Moon, Mercury stations direct. Let your jump unfold slowly. There will be action, but it needs to uncoil from within you. It can’t be forced or rushed. Feel into the energy of the leap.

The chart of this New Moon has no air and very little water. It’s a dry burn of earth and fire. Balance it through conversation, learning new things, journalling, and letting your feelings flow. Get your ideas and emotions moving. Take care to set intentions that are aligned with your soul and make room for surprises.

 

From Aeolian Heart  Astrology ::

The Sun and Moon will be conjunct to Uranus, ushering in a wild and untamable spirit.

Astrologically speaking, the New Moon in Aries is the time to set the tone for the rest of the astrological year. This is a potent magical time to raise your energies high and project them towards an illuminated vision of the future.

Your intellectual and ideological questions have been revised and refreshed over the last three weeks. You now know what you need to put your mind towards.

Think of this year’s New Moon in Aries as being drumroll for the dawn of a totally new era! Because this New Moon is touched by a conjunction to Uranus and a square to Pluto, this is also a ritual cleansing that must be done before crossing the threshold.

Let this New Moon initiate you into a new sense of sovereignty.

Thus, this New Moon marks the beginning of a time of massive overarching shifts in the collective energies.

There will be a shift in the collective need for healing and in the questions that guide the development of this upcoming era. Set the intention now to adapt knowing that the spirit of this New Moon is one of triumph over adversity.

 

Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash

 

The Goddess Circle has her inimitable lists ::

Beginnings.
Change.
Mercury goes direct (communication and action opens again).
Move plans and ideas forward.
Growth and expansion.
What will you risk to get what you want?
Daring. 
Watch reckless behavior.

 

From the Cosmic Intelligence Agency (CIA) ::

This new moon in pioneering Aries is especially cyber-cosmic as it is conjunct ultra-smart, innovative, revolutionary, and futuristic Uranus. Making this week a great time to align with all that’s truly new. 

The perfect metaphor for this Aries new moon conjunct Uranus is a baby chick breaking through its shell so that new life may emerge. Fascinating how this barely-there, little, life-ling, in all its isolation, ignorance and darkness moves effortlessly with its instincts to destroy its known world, its known perimeters, to awaken to the light and life of Consciousness itself. 

Wow!

This is the potential for all of us at the new moon, to be awakened to a new world of possibilities and most importantly to awaken to a new MO (modus operandi) i.e. how we go about doing things…Our instincts are being purified, strengthened, grounded, and empowered so that we may have the necessary inte-grit-y to know the truth within and recognize that in the world. 

::: ::: ::: :::

We have the space and support to change, beloveds- to begin anew. If you know what you’re supposed to do that’s different, take a step in that direction. Teeny, tiny step. (I’ll hold your hand.) Tell your truth, step into what you know is right, even if it ain’t pretty. Let it all unfold from what’s inside you. This is beauty.

Love to you all from the path,
Joanna :: xoxo

 

 

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Kick it up!

By on April 14, 2018 in astro shizz, Music, Sacred pop culture

a male figure from behind as they dance down the middle of a street

Photo by Andre Hunter on Unsplash

 

Because in these next 24 hours, you are FREEEEEEEEE!

This weekend is full of energy, my beautiful beasts. Friday was the 13th- often attributed to bad things (go look up ‘triskaidekaphobia’) and horror movies- is actually a day full of feminine energy. Both Venus and Freya are associated with Friday and the number 13 is connected with the lunar year (13 cycles) and is associated with death, rebirth, and creation- all realms deeply connected to the feminine.

I celebrated the feminine energy by watching Footloose (the original, the only, from 1984) with my family. You might not think that’s a very feminine movie, but it’s about dancing. We often associate dancing rituals with women, but of course that’s not the whole truth. Men dance, too. I was reminded how important dance is to men and to connecting with other humans. (I wrote some ideas about that, here.) And I also felt really grateful that I grew up with films like this, where men were not afraid of their sensuality, or of dance. Putting those things in your psyche, in the psyche of the collective, is important- it makes men who dance feel ‘normal.’ And we need that.

Footloose had a big impact on me, seeded many things in my own psyche. I was 10 when I saw the movie and five years later bought red boots just like Ariel had in the movie. They symbolized freedom and rebellion to me. I had a lot of years to go before I actually rebelled, but those boots were part of my identity and I was reminded of that on Friday.

I was also reminded of what a great soundtrack that film had- it’s listed at the end with some notes. I pulled out the CD and listened to it on repeat today. Good memories and good music.

So, it isn’t just Friday the 13th that’s happening this weekend. Mercury in retrograde ends tonight. And I could not be happier. I mean, I learned a lot. I actually feel like a combination of a butterfly and a supersonic jet leaving a cage at Mach 1, but I’m glad to see this phase come to an end. (And sorry to be vague, but I’ll talk more about that soon. I have some things to finish first. I will just say: some stuff got real clear and I’m making choices in alignment with that clarity.)

And that means you have a clear 24 hours until the new moon in Aries tomorrow night. I’ll put up some info about that tomorrow. Apparently, it means focused changes. I am ready for that.

But this is just to say: with Mercury in retrograde settling down (there is still a bit of the energy left for the next couple of weeks, but much less intense) and the new moon not quite yet here, we have a place to breath and ground and center in our true selves. Take it and run with it.

How? Be kind and gentle with yourself over the next 24 hours. If you’ve been dealing with something hard, let go a little bit and relax. If things have shifted, or you know they need to, hold on to that knowledge, but take a break. Do something fun. Get outside (if the weather isn’t shit). Breathe and nap and read and chill. And maybe dance a little. Let the space of this next day feel wide and deep and let yourself be held by it. Be a little footloose and fancy free.

More tomorrow!

Big love,
Joanna :: xoxo

::: ::: ::: :::

Footloose | Kenny Loggins

Put on your red boots and go for it.

 

Let’s Hear It For the Boy | Deniece Williams

God bless Willard. He has the courage to change.

 

Almost Paradise | Mike Reno + Ann Wilson

I swear that I can see forever in your eyes.
[You know who you are.]

 

Holding Out for a Hero | Bonnie Tyler

Where have all the good men gone?
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?

Not that I need saving. This song makes a girl thirsty, though.

 

Dancing In the Sheets | Shalamar

Love is always born on a chance
So wrap around me and baby let’s dance

Mmmm….yes.

 

I’m Free (Heaven Helps A Man) | Kenny Loggins

Looking into your eyes I know I’m right
If there’s anything worth my love it’s worth a fight
We only get one chance
But nothing ties our hands

I fight for what I love and desire.
And heaven will help a gal who fights her fears.

 

Somebody’s Eyes | Karla Bonoff

It’s part of the soundtrack (meh).

 

The Girl Gets Around | Sammy Hagar

She knows what she likes
I got what she needs
And one of these nights
We’ll both make our moves
We’ll cover some ground

Weirdly, this song, and the movie, have made me think more deeply about what I’m telling my son about dating. I am encouraging dating before sex (I always did, but I’m more committed to that as the standard for him now than before). Because how else do you know someone really wants you (and not just an orgasm)? You gotta date ’em. Go to dinner, just the two of you. Go to the movies. Hold hands. Make out in the car. Let desire build, see how they want to connect outside of sex, see if they’re into you. Play games (until you don’t anymore), but date first. Anticipation makes for better sex anyhow.

 

Never | Moving Pictures

You can never never never ever hide your heart
Don’t you ever ever ever ever try
If you don’t give your heart wings you’ll
Never never never ever fly

So much truth here. Don’t hide your heart. It may get broken, but let it fly. That’s really the only way to live and love and learn.

 

 

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