Archive | August, 2014

Be gentle with yourself

flowers in a field, with pastel colors, and the text 'be gentle with yourself'

We are heading into a big transitional time at my house: getting ready to go back to school. Mr. NakedMystic is a professor and starts teaching next week. The kids start school after Labor Day.

There are many clothes to buy, book bags to fill, and new schedules to experiment with. It can be very overwhelming and stressful. (Some of it’s orgasmic; some of it’s not.)

Today, in meditation, when I asked what my spirit needed, it said: slow dancing, time watching the tea light candle burn, a quiet guided meditation, and some gentleness.

I think gentleness may be just the thing for these weeks ahead.

The one big way I will be gentle with myself over these weeks is to not yell at myself inside my head so much. Sure, it will happen. But I will either turn down the volume or call to mind this guidance.

Whether you are heading into transition or not, friend, be gentle with yourself.


How To Have Better Orgasms – And More of Them

Entering the Gates of Tantra

When you start to study tantra, it’s very much like having someone lead you up to a big wall that you can’t see around or beyond or above.

And there is a door in the wall.

And when you open the door, the entirety of New York City appears before you.



a library with sensual pictures on the walls as a symbol of tantric learning


Tantra has been around for thousands of years (as it is one aspect of both the Hindu and Buddhist spiritual paths). And as such, it has had many permutations- leaders, texts, teachers, interpretations, teachings, and perspectives. There is a city’s worth of tomes, temples, and ideas about the practice and the path. Tantra is a never-ending path that can take you into some beautiful places (and some seedy neighborhoods).

Even today, as the desire to understand and practice tantra grows, there are new teachers, texts, and lessons. New neighborhoods of ideas and interpretations to explore.

When I started down this path – to discover where sex and spirit intertwined with one another – I picked up Nicole Daedone’s Slow Sex: The Art and Science of the Female Orgasm.

In it, Daedone distinguishes between ‘climax’ – the ‘going over the edge’ most of us associate with sexual touching and orgasm – and ‘orgasm,’ which she defines as the capacity to feel pleasure.

Think about that for a minute: orgasm as the capacity to feel or experience pleasure.

An entirely new definition of orgasm.

It gave me pause as I read the book.

And over the months it has completely changed how I think about orgasm.


Personal Definitions of Orgasm

As I began to think about orgasm in a different way, I started to think about the components of my own orgasms.

Pleasure, yes.



Receptivity and penetration.










All of these things (and more!) fell into my personal experience and definition of orgasm.

I began to wonder, “What if any time I was engaged in an activity that held these experiences it was an orgasm?”

My mind sort of blew apart at that thought.

Because it meant orgasm was about my capacity – how much I could hold and experience – of the good things in life.

The moments I felt fulfilled.
The moments I was in flow.
The moment I felt my partner run his finger along my arm.
The moments I noticed simple things and felt joy or beauty.
The moments of release from pressure.

They were all orgasm. 

Suddenly, with this new definition, I could have a lot more orgasms.
In public, even.

I began to understand one of the basic principles of tantra:
pleasure is available to us in almost any situation.


collage of reds and oranges as symbol of finding orgasm in all parts of life


Making Love with Life

And this new understanding also helped me in my greater goal: to make love with life.

The more I can be aware and open to all the touchstones on the orgasm path, and to all the different kinds of orgasms, the better chance I have of engaging deeply with life and loving all it has to offer. 


I tend to look for orgasms now.

I notice which moments I am in the flow, aware, receptive. There’s potential for orgasm there.

I look for beauty, even teaspoonfuls, because I know it is orgasm in itself.

I am mindful of my own heavy breathing and excitement at anything, because it is a step on the path of orgasm.

If you want bigger, better, and more amazing orgasms, the answer is simple: practice having more orgasms.
Widen your definition so that orgasm is about more than sex.
See exactly how much pleasure you can hold.