Two weeks ago, I was getting work on the chest/side portion of my tattoo finished.
(You can see some of it in the b+w photo in this post. I promise pix when it is healed.)
It might shock you to know that my tattoo artist is not the least interested in boobs, so I was feeling intimate but not vulnerable. (Plus, my tattoo guy is just a nice person. He always takes pains to make me feel comfortable, which is why I go to him.)
We were chatting about sex, libido, libido management, and sensuality when he said, “I don’t know if I would even know what sensuality is.”
This didn’t really shock me. Men are encouraged to combine sensuality and sexuality and never pull the two apart.
It did sadden me, though, because sensuality makes life more full and beautiful.
I mean, that is what this site is dedicated to; it’s the path I’m following for the rest of my life.
Sensuality is a rare thing that is satisfying at all levels – physical, emotional, mental, spiritual – and no one should miss out on that.
I want that feeling for guys, too. Because it’s gorgeous.
So, this is for my dude readers: a first lesson in sensuality.
Sensuality for Guys: Lesson One
If you want to learn about sensuality, and enjoy it, the first thing you need to know is this: sex and sensuality are not necessarily the same thing. They can overlap, but they don’t have to. Sensuality can be something you experience and enjoy without sex involved.
Might sound obvious, but check yourself: how closely are those two tied together in your experience?
Sensuality is about joy and pleasure. Again, Western society has also asked you to attach joy and pleasure to sex and physicality (primarily), but it doesn’t have to be that way.
I’ll ask you to think of some pleasurable experiences that were non-sexual.
Here are some I can imagine:
- the taste of a cold beer on a hot day (especially after you’ve been mowing the lawn?)
- the smell of your partner’s pillow when they are not there
- the feel of holding your kids to your chest (remember, non-sexual; it’s the pleasure you feel from sensing the weight of them in your arms or against your body)
- the shoes/hat/shirt that fit just right
- a view you love (outdoors? snow? desert? lake?)
- your favorite song played at that awesome concert
- the smell of your favorite food as you walk in the door (maybe at your mom’s house)
These are all sensual experiences.
These experiences involve the senses (smell, sight, taste, touch, sound) and produce joy or pleasure.
When I first started down the path of sacred sensuality, it took a bit of work on my part to disentangle pleasure with touch. Touch is my preferred form of sensuality. It took time and practice to pay attention to my other senses and see what brought me pleasure in those other realms.
Paying attention is one key to finding your personal sensuality.
We (everyone, men and women) are rarely encouraged to notice our joy. And when we do experience joy, we may excuse it in various ways. But paying attention to what feels good – when you see, smell, taste, touch, or hear it – is what helps us notice and develop our sensual side.
Noticing our sensual pleasures helps us connect to the good stuff in life. As a woman, I am grateful to men for all that they do – the structures they build, the safety they provide, the care they offer through duty – but sometimes joy is not noticed (or worse, not present) in the daily activities of our men. Society offers sex and sports as an antidote, but I don’t believe that is enough. Sensuality can fill a man with happiness in the same way it does for women. And I believe men deeply need this.
Please, guy readers, begin to pay attention to what brings you pleasure and joy. Feel the pleasure and joy when it arrives. Seek out experiences (sexual and non-sexual) that bring you pleasure- it’s going to make you happier.
Enjoy your own sensuality- they are the joys of life that belong to you.