Archive | January, 2016

How beautifully fragile are we



We are all just a car crash,
a diagnosis,
an unexpected phone call,
a newfound love,
or a broken heart away
from becoming a

How beautifully fragile are
we that so many things can
take but a moment
to alter
we are for

| Samuel Decker Thompson |


Better to live true.

We die inside when we silence our rightful expressive inheritance. We die inside when we let fear of judgement obscure our knowing. We die inside when we shame and bypass our feelings. We die inside when we choose a path that isn’t ours to walk. We die inside when we forget our magnificence, encoded within us from the beginning. I am so tired of the little deaths of self-diminishment. Better to live true.

|from Jeff Brown’s Soulshaping: A Journey of Self-Creation|

[this is, however, incredibly hard work. and scary. but it is worth it. every time I publish something here I am taking a risk. and it’s really scary – heart racing, palms sweating scary – to push the ‘publish’ button sometimes. but feeling free to express myself completely is very, very worth it. supportive friends and family help. and confidence grows with practice. in this very plastic world, living true is a spiritual practice.]


I am naked for you

For my friends and clients and beloveds, I go naked.

I tell my truth.

I show my pain.

I unveil my soul.

My vulnerability is the opened gift I give to you; my honest heart inside.

For those I love, I will give whatever of me they will take.

If my soul will heal your wound, you may have it.

If my love will help you shine, you may have it.

If my companionship will help you keep walking, you may have it.

The nakedness I offer here is the best I can give you, because it is the heart of me.




Do you want to be with me?

Then tell me your truth.

Show me your soul.

Let me feel your heart beat.

Let us hold one another gently, in our nakedness.

This is what Adam and Eve knew – their naked vulnerability before Life itself.

It is not sin; it is the only way of really living.



Let the waves undo your holding back



Let the birds take your clothes
Let the waves undo your holding back
Let the vines unravel your tired mind
And the Earth savor your sweat and tears.

Let your stories burn off like rising mist,
As your past and the false floors of curbed self love
Dissolve into butterfly wings and fire flies
As your edges blur and your Planetary Self ignites.

Let the trees bathe your breath
Let the meadows embrace you
Let the mountains and the bees remind you
Let the sky flood in and allow the clouds to guide you
Let your undoing be as total
As your becoming is beautiful.

And when the living world has climbed inside
Enough for you to feel four legs, scales, wings,
May you finally know yourself alive as all things-
Indivisible and responsible
Reborn into wholeness
Natural, Sacred, and Wild.

| Clare Dakin |




The Right Answer is Not Always Easy

I am probably the only adult who doesn’t know this, but it occurred to me in a moment of reflection with a client a few days ago, and I thought it was worth sharing.

Looking at that statement, it occurs to me that when we are kids we get this. [Or maybe it just seems less risky from the adult standpoint.] We break the neighbor’s window, or run into their new truck, as I did at 18, and we have to tell them and make reparations.

We know it’s right to do this, but it sure isn’t fun. In fact, doing the right thing involves humility and effort – both of which feel like an emotional stretch at that age. [And maybe even as an adult.]

I don’t know what it is about adulthood, but this truth seems harder to remember.

Perhaps it’s that we’ve made enough mistakes, we feel we ought to be making less of them. If we’re making ‘right’ decisions the first time around, we’re avoiding making tough, but right, decisions- because we’ve already made the right choice.

Perhaps it’s hard to remember this truth because we think if we make the ‘right’ decision, carrying it out should be easy. Right?

But, no. In fact, the biggest ‘right’ decisions I’ve made were not easy to carry out.

I think of people in my life right now, making right (but not easy) decisions:

  • to leave the marriage that just isn’t working (and hasn’t for a while)
  • to decide not to have a baby, ever
  • to have the affair
  • to not have the affair
  • to leave both the lover and the partner
  • to stay with the job because there must be food and rent paid
  • to stay away from the one you love
  • to care for the kid you don’t see regularly
  • to sit tight until you can do the next right thing

These decisions test people deeply, perhaps because there is a flip side to these kinds of decisions. A side that is almost equally attractive.

  • We could not have the affair (when the right decision is to do it- and, yes, I do believe that an affair can be the right thing, sometimes).
  • We could stay with the person who is habitual, easy (instead of leaving).
  • We could stay in the marriage until the kids go to college (I hate this one, for so many reasons).
  • We could just send cash for our far-away kid (instead of being emotionally supportive).
  • We could jump the job and hope for the best at the end of the month (instead of supporting the responsibilities we’ve taken on).

Any of those options sound equally attractive, on a lot of different scales, than what we know to be right. And that’s what makes the decision so hard, but also so important.


|steer for sunlight|


When I was in the Sex Surge, my ‘right’ decision was to stay with my marriage. The man I wanted for my lover was never going to accept me, but I could have found someone else (I’m fairly sure). The right decision was to stay and that decision was not easy. In fact, it exacted a lot of pain and frustration as payment, when (in my mind) it was all supposed to be easy.

Staying on the course of what was right has given me huge benefits. I have a very supportive, sexy, growth-oriented marriage. I am personally much happier and healthier and sensual. I’m glad I traded the sweat and tears of the right decision for all those things. But I had many days of ‘what if’ and ‘is this really the right choice?’ and ‘I don’t care that it’s ‘right’ anymore- I want what I want!’

Doing what is right is often a ‘two steps forward, one step back’ dance. Some days it’s three steps back and no forward movement for weeks. But there does come a light, forward movement, change that happens when we remain persistent. Doing the hard work brings us closer to what is right, and that is its own reward.

As for finding what the right decision is? I can only say that you have to look deep inside your own heart, mind, and soul. Even for me, I had to give less weight to the truth of my body (who wanted a lover) and stick to what my soul knew at the deepest level (to stay with my husband). To find what is right, you must find what your deepest truth is.

The most consistent guidance I have ever gotten for following what is right is simply to ask Life: what is the highest good for this situation? And then to follow the answer to that question. It does not mean the living of the answer will be easy, but it will be right with your soul.