When I was going through a libido surge (known as The Sex Surge), I felt a huge desire for a man who was not my husband. I lusted after him.
I don’t mean like, “he’s hot, I’d do him” lust. I mean dripping with desire. The wet, heavy kind of lust that fills your entire being and fuels the fire within you. It weighs on the body like water, but really it is napalm, ready to burn everything down at the slightest flame.
This lust weighed on my body and propelled me towards this man, even when I knew it was a bad decision. I couldn’t seem to help myself. The giant magnet of my lust made me want to stick to him.
Except…after I ovulated the lust dampened itself down and felt more like the flames from birthday candles.
For a while, I felt very guilty and ashamed of my desire. How could I want someone outside my marriage (especially when I have a really good one?) ?? What the hell was wrong with me and my body? Why was it doing this?
I felt guilt, shame, and frustration for the lust and how it felt in my body.
But then, one day, I decided: Fuck. That.
I decided that my lust was not a problem. Fuck what society said- that lust was the downfall of women + men + society + Jesus + families and….whateverthefuck. Fuck what religion said. Fuck what psychology said, even. Point blank, going to decide for my own damn self: lust is not the problem.
Here’s why I decided that:
My lust was hormonally based. If my lust went away after I ovulated, it was not a fully honest response of my body. It was a response based on certain hormonal circumstances. Maybe the content and object of my lust needed some examination, but the lust itself was just part of the hormonal package. There was nothing wrong with it.
Lust is an emotion and all emotions are okay. Simple: every emotion under the sun is okay. Joy. Sadness. Anger. Frustration. Fear. Love. Compassion. All of them are okay. They are simply feelings- and no feelings are wrong, they just are.
Lust is not a problem, then.
It’s just an experience.
One of the gazillion of experiences we have as humans.
Here’s what is a problem: how we handle lust.
Just like all the other emotions, how we handle them and how we let them run through our lives is the difficult part. Lust can take us for a ride, or we can take the wheel and turn it towards good in our life.
Next week I’m going to talk about the two pitfalls of lust- and how to overcome them.
Please Watch Part Two: Lust Is Not A Problem [Two]
My first video ever. Woot!
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To the four people from my state who I signed up for the RSS feed because you asked me to (and anybody else who is in the Providence, RI area):
I’ll be talking about this topic (and sharing the two pitfalls of lust and how to avoid them) in Providence on April 27th.
Come see me present: “Lust: The Hot Path to Deeper Authenticity” at the 85th Providence PechaKucha night.
When: Wednesday, April 27th, 2016
Where: AS 220 – 115 Empire St., Providence, RI
Theme: The Seven Deadly Sins
Time: doors open at 7:20 pm, show starts at 8:20
If nothing else, come hang with me and have a drink. :o)
More posts later, but lust [two] will be next week.
Lots of love,
Joanna :: xoxo