| I’m laughing because I don’t know where to start. :o) |
I’m sure you’re not surprised to find out that I do a lot of personal development and awareness work. And lately I have been digging in to personality profiles to find out more of who I am and why I act the way I do, et cetera, et cetera. (If you want to try it, I like this site for the easy take on the Myers Briggs.)
I’m learning a lot about how I see the world and what that means for how I help people (or not) and what kinds of actions I will take easily, versus what takes more effort, etc.
And one of the things I realized is that I am a soul warrior. Or healer. Or lover.
[Warrior in the sense of “I will fight to the death for this.”]
Now, those of you who have read this site for any length of time, or who know me in real life, are probably thinking, “DUH, Joanna.” But, this was a bit of a revelation for me. I really didn’t see myself as a soul warrior/healer until just a few days ago.
I have been a healer and cared about people’s health for most of my life. I’m sure it was a result of my environment (there’s some family history shenanigans in there). It also probably had to do with the fact that I contracted Type 1 diabetes at age 6, and I was constantly aware of my body from that point onward.
But!!! I have been super focused on physical health for most of my life. I only started investigating spiritual health as a means to keep the body in good working order, because the body houses and enacts the will of the soul (and I believe there is a two-way street there).
What I realized this last week was that I really, really care about people’s souls and that they remain as healthy as possible.
And I care about it so much, I can be willful and controlling and…mean about it. If I can see that your soul is headed in the wrong direction (because that’s what my intuitive gifts are!), and I care about you, I will definitely get in your face. I will fight to the death for the health of your soul, even if I’m fighting with you.
Which is not very spiritual or compassionate at all, is it?
Here is the other thing I realized: there is a dark side to the Healer, and it is called the Rescuer.
A Healer helps people heal.
When they ask.
With their permission.
And their help.
Healers educate, support, and guide people who know they need to do some work on their own to reach their goals.
Rescuers go and grab people.
Sometimes without asking.
Often without being requested to do so.
And the rescuee/victim generally does not help themselves or learn anything in the process.
Rescuers are notorious for picking Victims to rescue- people who expect to be rescued and/or won’t ask for help or do anything to help themselves.
And, in worst case scenarios, the Rescuer helps the Victim because they want something in return (love, recognition, connection, etc.).
In looking at my personality, I’ve also looked at my past, and I can see where I’ve definitely been a Rescuer instead of a Healer. And that’s not good. Healing- true help- can’t be built on inequality. (At least not in my book.) Rescuing depends on inequality.
We cannot rescue for love, we can only rescue for love.
What I mean by that is, we can’t rescue someone in the hopes that they will love us for it. We can only rescue someone (and I do mean rescue in this case) if we do it out of love for that person. And probably not the romantic kind, either. The love we use to rescue someone, to pull them from the burning building of what they have created inside themselves, has to be universal or transpersonal. Anything else is from ego.
| Walk with me, we’ll make it. |
The thing is, because I love people’s souls, and want them to be healthy, I will do just about anything to make that happen. I will sacrifice myself and my time and my energy to help. Even if it isn’t wanted. And that is the most classic mistake ever for the dark side of the Healer. And it’s something I have to stop.
I have to stop being a Rescuer because it turns me into an unhealthy soul as well. And then what good am I? I’m no good at all, because I am acting outside of integrity. And integrity matters, especially when you’re as far along as I am.
The other thing is, I believe all souls are redeemable. Even if they are mucky and black and refuse to heal. The sum total of our choices and actions determines our life and whether we heal or not- any soul, at any time, can decide to change, to heal and grow. But a soul cannot move towards healing if the human does not make the first move.
My all time favorite quote, from Carlos Castaneda, is “We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong, the amount of work is the same.” When someone rescues, they don’t give the rescuee the chance to make the decision to become strong on their own. And that’s not okay. Choice is the only power we have in this life; I cannot take that away from anyone and believe they will be truly healed.
So, understanding that I love souls and help guide and heal them was pretty important this week. But, perhaps even more so, is understanding that I sometimes cross the line in this work and I need to stop. Boundaries help keep me from giving away energy where it isn’t wanted. And they also keep the other person safe from me trying to railroad them into healing and help they don’t want. (And this is what we call ‘cleaning up your shit.’)
I’m also learning that just because I make a mistake doesn’t make me a bad person. I’m still a good person. I’m just a good person who made a mistake. If I learn from it, then that can make me an even better person. Which is what soul warriors and healers and lovers are all about.
And if you want or need intuitive soul guidance and support, even from this broken (but nice!) chick, hit me up. Drop me an email and we’ll get your soul where its meant to go.
Love and gratitude, fellow travelers,
Joanna :: xoxo