On Repeat

Ya’ll I was downloading some music this weekend and realized I did not create ANY playlists for myself in 2017. What. The. Fuck.

I date and name my playlists and there were none for 2017. Granted, it was a tough year. And I didn’t download much music- I needed my old favorites. But music is a source of so much joy and creativity for me, I was really stunned by the fact that I didn’t make any playlists last year.

So.

Since it’s my last day of being 42, I got a little playlist por moi and por vou. It’s the stuff I’ve had playing on hard repeat (meaning, 20 times in a row or more) for the last few months. They say INFJ’s like to do that- play a song on hard repeat- but it’s not usually my style. I guess I’m changing.

Here’s what’s been keeping me musical company.

Intro | The xx

This track is only 2:07 minutes long, but I could listen to it on repeat for a good long time (which is basically what the people in the link did- awesome). The rest of the album I don’t care for. The Intro, though- yum.

 

Into the Ocean | Blue October

When toxic masculinity gets you down and you want to commit suicide- that’s what this song is about. Only it’s the loveliest way to say those things (almost Alt-J levels of wordsmithing). Let the rain come down. (Also: dude’s eye makeup is sexy af.)

 

On and On | Stephen Bishop

For three weeks I was all “…she just keeps on tryin’ and she smiles when she feels like crying…on and on…” This song is an aspirin when your heart aches.

 

On the Dark Side | John Cafferty & The Beaver Brown Band

Played this 15 times in a row while I emptied the dishwasher and moshed at the same time. (It can be done. Don’t break the dishes.) ‘She’ll never know just how I feel…slip to the dark side, across that line.’ I’m gonna cross that line someday, I just know it.

 

Life is Beautiful | Vega 4

Soft and sweet. A good reminder that life is complicated but also so very beautiful. There are miracles.

 

Sunday cereal with iPod and insulin pump. A good life.

 

Tiny Dancer | Elton John

Who doesn’t want someone with pretty eyes and a pirate’s smile? Lovely. Always lovely.

 

Somebody Else | The 1975

This is one of the cruelest sentiments ever: I don’t want you, but I don’t want anyone else to have you, either. And yet, this song makes it sound palatable. I, myself, could never do that or claim that- I either want you or I don’t. But I get how it feels. The song is clearly a walk through bittersweetness, which is my favorite emotion, so it gets a pass on cruelty.

 

I Like Me Better | Lauv

This song is full on pop, but I really love it. It reminds me of when my husband and I were falling in love- he made me feel like I was my best self all the time, and that it was easy to stay there and be that way. When someone makes you feel like that- lit up, good, whole, accepted – don’t let them go. It doesn’t happen very often.

[For whatever reason, though, the energy of this song doesn’t belong to my ‘falling in love’ feelings. Some songs have people attached to them or ideas or information- this is what happens when you’re in touch with other realms. And when I spin in my whirling dervish ways to this song, the face of N always shows up. No idea why; I’m not calling him in. It’s just that his face is there when I open myself the alternate dimensions of the music. Weird, but true. If I had to guess, I’d say it was something to do with the energy of when we first met- in the summer; the image when I dance is always full of sun and his smile. Beyond that…I don’t know and I probably never will.]

::: ::: ::: :::

This is what has occupied my mind and heart for the last few months, loves. Hope you enjoy something here, too.

All my love,
Joanna :: xoxo

 

 

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