Do I mean like this?
No, I mean like this.
I mean, get off on your demons.
Demons: Dark and Light.
Traditionally, when we talk about demons, we talk about fighting against them. Demons are something we don’t like in our lives or in ourselves. They may be fear, depression, anxiety, illness, relationship difficulties, addiction, trauma, or even desire if it feels like a burden. Of course, none of us wants these things in our life. They tend to reduce our energy and leave us feeling ‘less than.’ So, of course it would be natural to want to fight them, to get rid of them.
But if we fight against these demons, we are saying that these parts of us are an enemy. I’m not sure anymore that is the healthiest way to view them. They are a part of us, and we are not inherently bad (we all contain the Buddha nature). So, what if we didn’t fight against them? What if, instead, we thought of them as useful? Maybe even as friends?
In her excellent article, “How to Feed Your Demons,” author and teacher Lama Tsultrim Allione shares a practice for making friends with your demons and learning what they are here to teach you or connect you with. This is the secret: the demons are actually here to help you grow. Tommie Kelly, over at adventuesinwoowoo, also talked about this idea on his podcast about demonising his problems so he could work with them more skillfully.
[Huge caveat here, though: organic issues, such as depression, anxiety, illegal sexual proclivities, etc. cannot always and should not be treated as ‘spiritual only’ problems. They need therapeutic and sometimes pharmaceutical support. Do not try to ‘pray away’ deeper problems, please.]
Your demons might actually have something beautiful to give you.
In Tantra, a person can cultivate sexual energy (that is, ‘turn on’ or orgasm) and send it to people or situations in order to heal them. People also do this to connect with things they desire (people, experiences, etc). Tantric folks call this ‘sex magic.’
It’s a really beautiful magical concept because you can really only send good things when you use it. I am a practitioner of ‘for the highest good’- meaning I don’t send bad energy to things, I merely pray or send energy ‘for whatever is the highest good.’ I pray this way primarily to reduce attachment to outcomes, but also because: what the fuck do I know about running the Universe? (Nothing. I know nothing. So it’s not my place to be creating any particular outcome.)
In the physical sense, when a person comes, it’s also rather difficult to send that energy with bad intentions. Orgasm is the energy of creativity, joy, sometimes love- those things are difficult to harness to darker emotions or intentions. I can’t imagine being in the middle of orgasm and thinking “Please send this energy to Linda because I fucking hate her,” can you? Plus, it’s just not what Tantra is about.
I have used this practice at different times over the years since I learned it, but I generally save orgasm energy for really important stuff, things I care about a lot or want very much in my life, or things that need deep healing. In any case, I believe it does work – not always in ways we expect, but it does work.
Sexual energy and orgasm are the highest energy we can give anything because it is the spark of the infinite, the moment of creation, a connection to god.
Voulez vous coucher avec moi?
I am a wild one/
break me in/
saddle me up/
and let’s begin.
– Flo Rida ft. Sia “Wild Ones”
So, what if we didn’t just try to make friends with our demons, or to see their good, but what if we actually tried to give them sex magic? What if we gave our demons the best energy we could find on Earth, our sexual energy? Interestingly enough, giving our demons sex magic is a way into their beauty.
What if you could say to your demons, “I think you are so fucking sexy?” or “Jeeezus, you turn me on.” It would be pretty revolutionary, a very different way of interacting with our demons. in this case, we’re not fighting our demons, nor are we looking for the beauty in them, we are actually finding them attractive as they are. We are giving them our ‘turn on’ as a gift of connection so that we can blow them to smithereens with our orgasm.
For me, music is the key here. If I can find a song that connects with my demon and makes me feel the least bit sexy or turned on, I’m good to go. Imagination helps, too. If you can imagine your demon as a sexy, bad boy/girl lover, then it can be easier to cultivate the sexual energy you need for magic. The more you can embody it, the more you can laugh, grind, sway, touch yourself, moan- the better it will be when you and your demon orgasm together.
And in that moment, the energy of the demon is transformed. Quite often, my heart opens even more because I’m finally connecting with that demonized part of myself in a very intimate and enjoyable way. I suppose, from a certain perspective, it’s the ultimate form of the hate fuck.
I thoroughly recommend that you straddle your demons and let them penetrate you. Fall in love with them a bit, if you can. Enjoy the fact that they are dirty and naughty. And get off on them so that you can integrate them. They are the dark side of us, quite often, and the more we know them and welcome them, they less they will run our lives.
In a very real sense, treating our demons this way is exactly the way most of us want to be loved. We want to be welcomed into the arms of our lover or beloved as we are, warts and all, and to be enjoyed, integrated, and found so sexy our lover can’t help but to scream out to god how grateful they are for us being there. And when we can do that for ourselves, it’s fucking gorgeous.
If you’ve got demons, welcome them in. They’ve usually got something helpful to teach us. If you can find a way into their sexiness and fuck them well, you’ll also get access to their power. And you can keep it for yourself.
Blessings on the journey, you sexy fuckers.
Joanna :: xoxo
[I recognize that if you a fully scientific type person this sounds fucking ridiculous and weird. Even from a psychological perspective, it’s personifying an emotion or experience and then interacting with that personification. But if you’re into spiritual stuff, you understand- it’s an energy and energy is capable of being manipulated and transformed. I like my science and my psychology and my spiritual shizz, but this is mostly spiritual. Take it as such.]