Archive | April, 2018

Full Moon in Scorpio

Hey lovelies, how are you doing tonight? Sorry for the late post, but it’s been a great weekend of work, fun, and learning. Here’s what you need to know for tonight’s full moon energy.

From Chani Nicholas:

If you are feeling wiped, wrecked, or reconfigured by life, you are channeling the more intense aspects of this full moon. A full moon in Scorpio is a time to allow all the emotions that would otherwise lay beneath the surface , to surface. You may need some down time, some me time, some time to allow a transformation to take place.

Life often feels overwhelming around a full moon. This one sits with Jupiter and it’s ruler sits with Pluto. All signs point to an abundance of energy. energy that you can use to regenerate or recalibrate. There’s no right or wrong thing to do in a full moon, as long as it involves taking care of yourself, you are on the right track… 

…Scorpio’s magnetism can attract to it what wants, but the most potent of its powers lies in being able to grapple with everything that its gifts brings. Resilience teaches us that gain never travels alone. It is accompanied by the best of questions. Was it worth it? Is this what I want? What has had to go by the wayside in order for this growth to occur? This full moon sits with Jupiter, also in Scorpio. Having been there since October of 2018, Jupiter and the full moon are asking us what we have grown over the past six-months in the area of our chart that contains Scorpio. It asks us at what expense has this growth occurred, and what we have learned wasn’t worth carrying forward with us?

|| Such good questions- got me thinkin’!||

::: ::: ::: :::

 

From The Raven and The Mystic:

This moon in Scorpio reflects what Scorpio is best at- Transformation, Self-reflection- especially into our shadows, emotions, relationships, and with purging, purifying. And from there, moving forward with fire and conviction. 

Scorpio is most comfortable with darkness, and while the veil is thin on a full moon, we also tap into the powerful magic of Beltane (May 1), a dynamic festival of fire and courtship/fertility. 

We may at this time court our dreams, our lovers, our intentions, and visions. There is a heat and urgency to Beltane that quickens creativity. 

Scorpio itself is a creative force, a sensual, magical energy that invites our courage and intuition. Now is the time to make bold steps in business and relationships. Strike while the iron is hot, as they say. 

|| Full moon magic has me wishing for some new sensual pleasures, perhaps a new flirting partner. Magic works best when we wish and leave it alone. Can’t wait to see what happens. ||

::: ::: ::: :::

 

The Goddess Circle writes:

Believe in yourself and your abilities.
Trust yourself.
Only you can save yourself.
Take a step back and focus on the big picture.
Facing fears in relationships.
Going deeper or separating.
Make sure you’re not the only one putting in effort.
Shift beliefs.

 

Photo by Kristen Wyman on Unsplash

 

::: ::: ::: :::

From Aeolian Heart Astrology:

On April 29th, 2018 the Moon will be Full in Scorpio, shining a bright beam into the murky windows of the unconscious mind. Under a Scorpio Moon, it is primal instinct, not rationale, that will dominate. Expect to become prey to the claws of hunger and the sharpened teeth of desire.

The Sun’s light in Taurus worships the blossoming fertility of earthly paradise. But the Moon in Scorpio sees the inevitable future, a shadowy vision of paradise lost

…In Scorpio, lunar energy becomes sullen and dark moods begin to build like storm clouds on the horizon. The illumined realm of the unconscious will certainly arouse many primordial fears: horrifying visions of disease, drought and famine. Under such an influence, you may more willingly succumb to the pain of discontent and act out of desperation.

It is not contentment, but hunger that inspires forward motion. Consumed by instinct, the snake eats its own tail. The sign of Scorpio embodies the undulation beneath all natural cycles, where hunger precedes satiety and death precedes resurrection.

This Full Moon in Scorpio arrives with a cloud of darkness and discontent. But natural law requires that you submit to the process.

Think of this time as a climactic point of awareness. Whenever your sense of suffering is heightened, you can push past apathy into healing and renewal. You can uncover your instinct for resurrection, that burning desire for transformation.

At this Full Moon in Scorpio, you may grieve many things which are being lost, swept away by the tides of time. But the message of Scorpio is to remember that paradise is lost so that it may be reborn

|| I totally dig that she pairs each moon post with a popular song. This one is the Eurythmics’ Sweet Dreams. Go read, it’s delicious. ||

::: ::: ::: :::

Well, there you are. If your world is falling apart, it’s only because it’s time for something new, hopefully better, to be born from the ashes. If you’ve hard decisions to make, make them under this moon. Let go of the relationships- perhaps those with your own self- that need to go. I’ve put the fantasy of a sunshine lover in its proper place (as a lovely memory), and I wonder what the moon in my bed might deliver instead. I’ll dance with the darkness to find out.

Wish I could see your faces in the moonlight tonight my friends,
Joanna :: xoxo

 

 

0

simple sensuality

I mentioned in a previous post that I’ve been desiring some experiences in my life lately. Laughter, joy, ease, appreciation, and something I called ‘simple sensuality.’ When I wrote that, I was thinking about ‘simple’ sensuality as something that was opposite of normal? regular? complex? sensuality. But I have been playing with these labels and experiences in my head, and in real life, and I think I’ve got things from the wrong perspective.

‘Complex’ or ‘normal’ sensuality (as a thing that was in opposition to ‘simple’ sensuality) was the heavy, red, Lady Marmalade, lacy, layered, black lingerie kind of sensuality. The things we think of when the word ‘sexy’ is uttered. What modern culture defines as ‘sexuality’ and ‘sensuality.’

And in contrast to that, ‘simple’ sensuality was something lighter, easier. White sheets (just as sexy as black silk, btw), open windows, open spaces, light touches, not grinding but sliding against one another, unbuttoning soft cotton shirts, unzipping denim jeans. Just as pleasurable, but…different.

I’ve been playing with that for the last week or so and I’ve come to remember that these are not distinct or opposing experiences, they are flavors of the same thing. They are complimentary. They are simply colors on the wheel that is the entire rainbow. (Duh, Joanna, duh.)

I’ve also been very much guided by two quotes this week, as I’ve opened to fulfilling my own sensual needs and aligning with my desire (rather than fighting them):

“Any energy that you deny becomes a demon for you. It becomes your inner tormentor. And you don’t get rid of your demons. You embrace them. Not indulge them, but embrace them. And if you embrace them in a way I am talking about they no longer feel like demons. They are just energies that are available to you. They are just part of this whole spectrum of what it is to be conscious and alive and present. And everything becomes joined together back again. A mature emotional life if when all the different parts of yourself emotionally are joined back together. Nothing is put outside, nothing is denied, nothing is hidden. Nothing is unacknowledged. All brought together so that it can all come together.” – Adyashanti

 

“My life is my practice.

To join with myself as I am right here, right now, moment to moment.
To be in union with myself when I am happy and when I am angry.
To be in union with my wounded, imperfect heart. Even if it never heals all the way.
To let that be enough. 

To be here, to be human, to be able to practice, to be able to mess up and forget and start over and remember and do it all again the next hour or the next day.

That is my practice, our practice.

And in this thing called life, nothing is wasted. 
It is all part of the practice.”

– Mindy Scime

I am learning to enjoy my desire. To let go of attachments for outcomes (like, orgasm). It’s hard, honestly. I’m not used to it- letting such things live inside me without fulfilling them. Watching the desire to fulfill get so…passionate (and sometimes angry). Desire ain’t bad. Desire to fulfill can be problematic. So, I’m learning and practicing and seeing how it goes. It’s weird and uncomfortable because it’s new, but I can also definitely feel that it’s so much more useful and enjoyable than forcing it to be fulfilled in the way I want. Life sometimes has better plans for us than we do for ourselves. And there is a certain kind of fun to simply holding the hum of desire inside myself for as long as I can. It is not dissimilar to riding the wave of orgasmic energy (not the same, exactly, but not far off, either).

 

several trees in a backyard with spring blooms and fall leaves

The rain and the spring blossoms outside my window.

 

I am also feeding myself the simple sensuality I want so much.

Standing at the window and just enjoying how my neighbors’ cherry tree looks in blossom.
Being delighted by how my shirt folds and juxtaposes with my sweater.
I have a cold, so the feel of a cough drop in my mouth is a small surrender to pleasure.
Today’s rain. Just letting my soul fill up on watching it rain. So simple.
Getting to bed on time so I can curl up in my lover’s arms and fall asleep there.
The delight in a good, long drive with a great playlist.
Hugs. From anybody. The good kind. Close and warm and almost never-ending.
Doing two sets of perfect push-ups.
The joy of buying new books and waiting for them to arrive.
Dinner out with good friends and good food.
Two shots of silver tequila.
The badass daffodil in my yard that would not give up even when it was tossed by the wind.
Curling up in a chair and just listening to my life: the kids, the traffic, the sound of my husband’s bike wheels spinning.

I have made a practice of not denying my desires. To say, “yes, I see you and feel you. You are welcome here.” I have also made a practice of purposefully stopping to notice, enjoy, and feed my soul on simple sensual pleasures. I think it’s working. I certainly feel less anxious and frustrated, and far more happy and fulfilled. It’s good, so far. [The astrologers tell me that Pluto is in retrograde and I may be challenged by my shadow in relationships…again. So, we’ll see what happens. Maybe there’s some new infatuation for me to fall into. The question is: will I need to?]

It’s Spring here and I am hopeful. And excited to see where my new practices take me. I can only hope it is towards more truth and health and love. And if this post sounds like something I’ve written about before, perhaps many times, just know that this is what learning looks like. Going over the same ground until it is part of our being- ingrained, embodied- that is the path of learning.

I hope you are all well, fellow travelers.
Big love,
Joanna :: xoxo

 

 

0

What I Will Tell My Son

I mentioned in a previous post that I had been thinking about what to tell my son about dating and sex and love recently (besides ‘use condoms no matter what,’ ‘ask permission,’ and ‘be kind’). I mean, I’ve actually thought about it since he came home in 3rd grade with a crush on his teacher, and we’ve been very committed to building the foundations for good relationships and…eventually…sex. But I’ve been thinking about some important wisdom I want to pass on to him. This is what I’ve got so far.

 

Photo by Sabina Ciesielska on Unsplash

 

Date.

I grew up in a time when people actually dated. Two people, going out somewhere together, spending time getting to know each other. I know that the generations coming up behind me brought us the ‘group’ date, where there was a clutch of kids who hung out together and some paired off from time to time. But that’s not the same as dating. And neither is Tinder.

I’m going to tell him to date. To practice asking a person out (and being both accepted and denied). To figure out who pays and how that works with each person. To learn the logistics of how to find fun things to do and how to compromise on what is chosen. To know, from the first few moments, that the date is going to suck and then remain polite and friendly and get out of it quickly. To learn to let someone down when the feeling is not mutual and to accept it when he’s not someone’s cup of tea, either. To enjoy the infatuation stage (because it’s so fun!); to learn to fly and laugh and do silly, stupid stuff in that stage, because it’s good to lose your mind in love sometimes.

But also to practice taking one step at a time. Especially when he first starts out. To go out. To get sweaty palms when you first hold hands. To get all awkward with the first kiss. To learn who the other person is, and let them learn you. To wait…a while…until they have sex. Because sex is an entirely different ball game (sorry) and there is no going back to ‘holding hands’ once you cross the line into sex. From the side of life I’m on, it’s important to have steps between ‘hello’ and ‘I’d like to sleep with you.’ Those steps keep your heart safe, your mind less confused, and your energy less entwined should things fall apart. And, god knows, dating and being a teenager are fucking confusing enough.

 

Sex is energy exchange.

I grew up in a fairly religious household and I was told to wait until I was married to have sex. I obviously didn’t, but one thing I recognize as being part of this rule is that sex is important because it is an energy exchange. Tantra is very clear about this- when we engage in sex, we are connecting to some of the most intense (sometimes hidden) energy of the person we’re with. And that can be great, but it can also be a mess. (I spoke about this some in this post– beware, it is about rape.)

I want my son to know that whoever he sleeps with will leave some of their energy with him. Even if it’s just a little. Even if he barely remembers sleeping with them. Some part of them will stay with him. And therefore to choose his lovers wisely. This is not to say that everything has to be deep- sometimes a good one-night stand or a quick fuck can be a fantastic energy exchange. But just to understand that some part of it will stick with him. And to think about that before getting it on.

 

It’s good to have your heart broken at least once. 

Because, my god, does it give you compassion for people. Whether it’s unrequited love or a full-on break up from a much loved relationship, we all need to do it. We need to feel the pain of having our heart smashed to smithereens and learn how to heal from it. That is probably the most important piece- for him to learn how he handles a break-up and to learn to take care of himself when it happens. Whether that’s a bit of depression (more than 2 weeks and you need to see the doctor, okay?), or a fuck ton of Doritos and Netflix, I don’t care. But he needs to learn this.

Also, a good break-up can help us learn how to be better at loving and relating the next time around. I will do my damnedest to help him figure out what went wrong, take responsibility for his part in it, and learn to do better next time. But only after the Doritos and the sad songs and the weeks in sweat pants.

 

Learn from good men.

My son has a very good role model in his father. A man who communicates and grows and listens and isn’t afraid of his own needs or soft side. I am grateful for this. My son also has other types of men who he admires and respects. I know he will learn good things from them about relationships (of all kinds).

But I’m also going to point him towards people like Jayson Gaddis and Bryan Reeves, who know their shit when it comes to being in long-term relationships, how to fight well, and how to learn and grow in relationships. I will tell my son that the most important things he can do and learn for romantic relationships is communication and personal growth. Because men who don’t grow will get left behind in love. I believe the men in his life will also show him how to be courageous in relationship, which is also important.

 

If it’s wishy-washy, let it go. 

If there is a relationship where my son gets together, breaks up, and rinse, repeat x 10,  I will tell him what I know as a minister: these relationships never do well in the long run; let it go. I’ve performed marriages for a fair amount of people, and the ones who decided to get married because they’d been engaged and broken up 3 times already or because they needed to ‘fish or cut bait’ don’t end up married for long. It almost never works out in a healthy, happy way. There is a subtle but hugely important difference between someone who wants you and someone who just doesn’t like the feeling of your absence.

So I will tell my son to let her go. To go through not only the break up, but also the understanding that someday she may invite him to her wedding, and he will have to revisit this shit all over again. Or that she may call him in five years, a different person, and he’ll have to go through all the receipts from the fist time and say no with a heavy heart. I will hold him and help him as he goes through the birthing of himself out of that relationship (because there is a lot of crying and gnashing of teeth and ‘I don’t know which way to turn’- I’ve been there) because that’s how it goes. The heart is a house with many rooms, and some we have to leave unwillingly (this is how we develop strength). Because wishy-washy is not what works; knowing and choosing is.

 

When you know, choose her. 

The men I know who are happiest in their marriages had two things happen when they chose their mate: 1- they ‘knew’ sometime within the first few weeks or months that ‘s/he was the one’ and 2- they chose their mate, clearly and purposefully. My husband says he ‘knew’ because he felt so good around me, he felt lifted up and supported and seen. We had our rocky spots, but he knew he wanted to choose me, and he did. One other man I know said his wife smelled right to him. Whether that’s biology and pheromones or just a hint of cinnamon because she’s a cook, I don’t know. But he ‘knew’ and he picked her.

The other item is so important I cannot tell you. Some men choose their partners based on practicality or ‘shoulds’ (‘I should choose her, she’s so smart and pretty and x, y, z’), but those relationships tend to go sour after a while. I think it’s because they aren’t choosing the other person from their gut or from their own truth or knowing or deepest desire; they are choosing from some outside metric and that’s no good. The men who have chosen a woman from something they sense inside themselves (it’s sometimes as simple as a clear, deep ‘I want to be with HER’), those are the relationships that last. And I think it’s because when a guy chooses, he sticks to that commitment. (I could be wrong, but that’s my experience.)

I will tell my son to listen to his own knowing. And when he finds the one who smells right or makes him feel the best or whatever, when he knows, to pick her. And to do it over and over again.

 

True love changes.

True love is when the type of love Person 1 gives most easily is exactly the type of love Person 2 is craving *and* when the type of love Person 2 gives most easily is the type of love Person 1 is craving. It is a heady fucking combo and it feels like safety and flying all at once because it’s so easy to give and it feels so good to get exactly what you want. And if he should find that, I will tell him to hold on to it and do the work of a lifetime so that it doesn’t leave him.

How we give and receive love changes with age and healing (if we do our work!), which is why communication and personal growth are so important. But the couple who can honestly discuss what’s going on for each of them, even when it hurts them or the other person, is the couple that will last. Going through the growth together is what counts. Certainly, it may not last. Humans are made to have 2-3 long-term relationships over the course of their life. But if he can communicate and grow and seek to grow together, he can be proud of what happens, even if that is the dissolution of the relationship.

I will tell him I know this because it is the work his father and I have done for 22 years now. We fell into this kind of love- true love- but we also became best friends and decided to do the work (sometimes the really fucking hard, painful work) of staying together and growing together. We always want the best for each other, and that is what has made it work for us. Our happiness is somewhat linked to the other’s happiness (it’s a healthy dose of co-dependency, not the hurtful kind) and we take the other person’s needs and dreams seriously. And we have also had three fights where we almost got divorced and handful of other fights where one or the both of us figured out we needed therapy (because the root of our problem was not ‘us’ but our personal past or trauma). Sometimes keeping the couple alive means healing individual wounds. I will tell my son this.

 

Be yourself and find the one who loves that.

There are ideas (and memes) floating around that say we have to love ourselves before someone else can love us or that we have to somehow get over all our shit before we can be good in a relationship. These ideas are both bollocks. Because while a decent level of self-respect and self-esteem are pretty key, being in relationship is going to bring up a person’s shit and there is no way around that and no way to preempt it with therapy or self growth. There just isn’t. Relationship is its own cauldron and you have to let the fire of it change you (hopefully into something more refined).

There are hard things I am going to have to let my son learn on his own. He will learn boundaries by not having good ones, which is okay as long as he has a good community safety net to help him. He will learn to not play games by playing and getting tired of it. He will have to learn that being honest with himself and his partner is paramount by fucking that up, too.

Jayson Gaddis taught me that life and relationships are a struggle between wanting to be ourselves and wanting to be loved. And we sometimes hide pieces of ourselves so that we can be loved. So I will tell my son: find someone you can be as much of yourself with as possible, find someone who will listen to and love the truth of you. Provide the same in return. Stay communicating and honest about who you are and who you are becoming so that you can have both a strong sense of yourself and feel loved.

::: ::: ::: :::

I’m sure this isn’t all I’ll have to tell him. And certainly these lessons will come as they come- some at 14, some at 24. But I want him to learn these things earlier than I did so he can have a better chance at longer love.

What wisdom do you have for the young-and-in-love?

With gratitude,
Joanna :: xoxo

 

 

1

Lessons in Love + Desire

Or, what I learned from this last Mercury in Retrograde. (If you want some good info on Mercury in Retrograde, please check this post from The Tarot Lady. Her tarot and astrology info is informative, funny, and practical.)

Over the years, and over the course of many relationships, I have come to believe that the heart is a house with many rooms. For me, there is a floor for friendships, another for family, and, of course, an entire floor (or maybe a wing) for romantic relationships. The first room on that floor belongs to a blonde name Mark who I fell for in 6th grade. I felt so giggly and silly and could barely do anything but smile when I saw him in class. We moved to a new city at Christmas that year, so I don’t know what became of him. But he was my first real crush.

There are probably 8 or 10 more rooms on the romantic floor. Wait, let me count…it’s 16. Damn. Sixteen rooms between my first crush and the room where I hold the relationship with my husband. Not all of those other rooms were relationships, but they all helped me learn something about being in romantic relationships.

Each room is unique, of course. Each one has a particular shape and size. Some have a lot of stuff in them. Some are almost bare. Some are dark. Some are almost forgotten. But they are rooms with memories and feelings and experiences, and I can visit them if I need to. Lately, I’ve found myself revisiting the earliest rooms on the romantic floor because my son is starting to notice girls and watch his peers begin to date. I’m having to remember those times in my own adolescence so I can (hopefully) help him navigate them better.

For most people, the rooms on the romantic floor of their heart house stop at the one where the relationship that eventually lead to their marriage exists. I will talk about that as part of this journey, but I want to talk about the two rooms that came after my marriage relationship room.

The first room was gorgeous and sexy- dark red paint, four poster bed, silk sheets, red velvet curtains, black lace, chaise lounge, candles everywhere, closed curtains, and plenty of dark corners for dark deeds. It was a room almost entirely full of passion. It is the room where I desired the man who I was attracted to during the Sex Surge (when my libido went way up and I basically could not stop thinking about sex all day- it was fun and horrible). All the desires and fantasies and stupid things I did, said, and wrote live in that room.

This is how the room started out, anyhow. If you go look at it today, it’s very different. There are burn marks on the floor and walls from emotional bombs I set off myself. There are water marks on the walls from the inches of tears of frustration I cried. The curtains are open now, there’s nothing on the walls. The bed is a shambles, desperately broken; I took an axe to it so I could finally leave. There is a photo book with the important memories that I can flip through, when I need to. I learned a lot in that room- about sex, desire, passion, fear- and it took me forever to finally leave it. It took so much strength and practice and pain and energy, but I did it- because I knew my life, my heart, and my soul would be better for it. [I was not so much addicted to him, because he just wasn’t around, as I was addicted to desire and hope. And weaning yourself off emotions can take a lot of effort.]

The room after that is very small. It’s full of windows and white curtains and the sun shines right through so the light almost looks yellow. There is only one thing in the room: a simple bed with white sheets, pillows, comfy blankets. And while desire lived in this room, too, it was much simpler and a lot more infatuation than passion. I took the lessons from the passionate room and learned to leave this one faster. Not to say I didn’t make a bit of a mess along the way (messes are for learning!), but I got out much faster and much easier. I still sometimes visit this room – it’s really quite lovely and calming. (I realized the other day that it is what I was envisioning when I first began to feel into my Wild Heart stage.)

The men I was attracted to in these rooms still walk by and throw virtual pebbles at the window, which is fine. I send them metta.

 

Photo by Valentina Locatelli on Unsplash

 

The guy from the sunshine room is the interesting one because there was almost a possibility of an affair with him. Maybe. Almost. Sorta. (I’m quite sure he thought about it.) And I wanted one- after years, I wanted one again. And this is where Mercury in Retrograde set me down and had a good, long talk with me.

When I was in the Sex Surge, part of what I learned was how to channel passion and desire into other places in my life when I couldn’t connect with the guy I was interested in. I learned how to pour it into art, dance, my kids, decorating, erotica. I also changed my marriage in terms of communication, sex, touch, sensual expression, and time away from kids (more of that, please!). I really did fix holes in my marriage and myself. I healed some old wounds and learned how to let that passionate part of myself out to play. (I’m still learning this, honestly.)

This time around, what I discovered is that sometimes there is nothing wrong with a marriage. Sometimes there is not really anything to heal, personally. Sometimes we just desire. We just get infatuated. We just want to jump into the fun of connection. For the first time, in this Mercury in retrograde, I considered the idea that I didn’t need to fight my desire or fix anything about it. Because there is nothing wrong with my marriage. And there is far less brokenness in me than before. I decided, instead of fighting my desire (coming at it perpendicular) to accept it (to run parallel with it). It’s not something I need to fight anymore, I can just let it be.

“Any energy that you deny becomes a demon for you. It becomes your inner tormentor. And you don’t get rid of your demons. You embrace them. Not indulge them, but embrace them. And if you embrace them in a way I am talking about they no longer feel like demons. They are just energies that are available to you. They are just part of this whole spectrum of what it is to be conscious and alive and present. And everything becomes joined together back again. A mature emotional life if when all the different parts of yourself emotionally are joined back together. Nothing is put outside, nothing is denied, nothing is hidden. Nothing is unacknowledged. All brought together so that it can all come together.” – Adyashanti

Of course, there are choices to make when desire comes up again (as it surely will). One thing I am learning since I have accepted my own beauty is that I am attracted to dudes with a lot of potential and a fair amount of brokenness (or emotional immaturity). That is not a standard I want to uphold in the future. (Now I know my worth. Now I know my healing is spectacular. Now I know my energy and time is worth a lot.) I can make choices around that, even in the midst of infatuation. Which actually means I probably will never have an affair, because dudes have got to be as quality as my husband. And he’s one of a kind.

Which leads me to tell you about the room our relationship grows in on the romantic floor of my heart house. It’s a huge room. We’ve been together 22 years. It has decorations and pictures from all the countries we’ve visited (and we lived in England the first year of our marriage). It’s got some bomb blasts, too, but those have been cleaned up and now plants and children and love grow there. There are tears of both pain and joy. (My engagement ring is made of pearls, which symbolize tears- I wanted all this emotion.) There is a bed with a headboard of beautiful Moroccan scroll work, rich, warm sheets, and a fireplace, a huge couch. There is light and color and so much comfort and safety I cannot tell you. There are everyday places to connect and touch and get it on. There is passion here, too- it’s the only room I’ve had 3-minute orgasms in! There is trust and joy and so many levels of intimacy and love I’m not sure I can describe them. We have worked through everything in this room. Just this morning, when I was sweaty from working out, and frightened because of a health issue, he lay down on the floor (because: ab workout) and held me as I cried. The room we have built is magical, and I want to live in it forever.

One of the most important tools I learned in the Sex Surge was to ask, “What do I think I will get or experience if I sleep with this person?” (or connect, or whatever). The answer to that question is full of gold, because we don’t need that other person (usually) to get those experiences. It’s simply that they ‘flip the switch’ for us to be or have or experience those things more easily than we can do for ourselves. The sunshine room was a place where I wanted lack of responsibility, joy, infatuation, recognition, appreciation, playfulness, laughter, relaxation, rest, and a simple kind of sensuality and pleasure. But these are all things I can give myself. They don’t require anyone else.

So, this Mercury in Retrograde taught me two important lessons: that I can align with my desire instead of fight it and that I can have what I most want without taking another lover*.

You know what this means? It’s time for a new tattoo. :o)

Big love from the trail, my people,
Joanna :: xoxo

*If you see me refer to a ‘lover’ or ‘boyfriend’ that’s my husband. He has many different roles in my life, those are just two. I mean, why limit yourself ?

 

 

 

0

Someone Dances

Dance, dance wherever you may be, for I am the Lord of the dance, said He.
– ancient song

Someone dances all completely still
Someone dances all childlike and playful
Someone dances all electric flash
Someone dances all touching the ground
Someone dances all self-conscious
Someone dances on without any reason
Someone dances so peaceful and easy
Someone dances with hair all crazy
Someone dances in a lonely moment
Someone dances in God consciousness
Someone dances with very much caring
Someone dances so inspired and joyous
Someone dances on faith alone
Someone dances all nameless and wandering
Someone dances in flowing beauty
Someone dances all forgotten and naked
Someone dances all lost for words
Someone dances all completely dance

-John Fox

 

Photo by Ardian Lumi on Unsplash

 

0