[[ I have been stuck inside all day with holiday prep and a new dog. And cat sitting. That’s the only time I’ve been out- to feed a cat, twice. Forgive me if this doesn’t go as planned.]]
I’m writing to you on Christmas Adam- it comes before Christmas Eve and isn’t very satisfying.
I know. I’m terrible.
I was struggling to think of a way to talk about sex priestesses, blow jobs, and Christmas, and then I remembered that Jesus had two Marys in his life: his mother, and his wife/consort: Mary Magdalene. Mary Magdalene traveled with Jesus, likely as his wife or as a fellow- and unacknowledged- apostle. (One of my favorite books, The Wild Girl, by Michele Roberts, is about Mary Magdalene and her relationship with Jesus- and her likely position as the Black Madonna.) Mary Magdalene has also been called a prostitute- as a way of demeaning her position in Jesus’ life- and so that’s where we’re going to start.
The piece I am sharing tonight talks about prostitutes as the negative side of the feminine. And I’m first going to tell you that is complete bullshit. What we think of as “prostitutes” in ancient history were often women who were priestesses that served gods of sexuality and sensuality. They were paid for their work- whether that was sex, divination, contacting the divine, or other practices which brought the divine into human interactions. So, yes, they were paid for sex, but that doesn’t make them prostitutes as we define them today. It also doesn’t make prostitutes, or modern day sex workers, negative.
Sex workers are absolutely not the negative side of the feminine. In capitalism, sex workers use their bodies to make money- just like everyone else. It’s nice if you get to use your MS Word skills to make money, but that’s just using your fingers and your brain- sex workers use their body and their brain. No difference. So, in this piece, I am not going to use the word ‘prostitute’ to represent the negative aspect of the feminine. What I think the author was originally trying to convey about this aspect of the feminine is the ‘manipulative’ feminine. The side that says, “If you shovel the snow, I’ll have sex with you,” and then doesn’t follow through. The side that listens with intent and compassion, and then uses it against you later. The side of the feminine that makes you wish you’d never engaged in the first place. The part of the Feminine that would trade herself for something- safety, money, respect- that’s the aspect the author is speaking about, I believe. But I’m going to call it the ‘manipulative feminine’ instead.
Lastly, this piece is heteronormative. The author speaks exclusively of man-and-woman sex and heterosexual relationships. This is not to say that the dynamics discussed here don’t apply to same sex relationships or any relationships in which fellatio is enjoyed- they do. So, if needed, please apply the appropriate pronouns or note the ways in which these behaviors play out in your relationship. Because anyone can be manipulative in a relationship and plenty of people give and receive blow jobs that aren’t in heterosexual relationships. Please keep all these things in mind as you read this piece.
And now that I’ve set the stage, here we go.
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Originally written by Gillian Pothier on Facebook.
Death of the Blowjob
“Ask any woman who has performed oral sex and they will confirm it certainly is a job.”
– the internet (specifically, the 1st site I found when researching the etymology of this term)
From blow off (“to fellate,” to blow (someone) off, a phrase which originated among prostitutes, 1933) + JOB
If you are one to give a man a “blowjob,” please do us all a favor– dust off your knees, wipe off your mouth, touch up your lipstick and GO HOME. Sadly, you are one of the Daughters of the Great Forgetting, steely and willing to sell your sacredness for a shallow sense of security.
You are throat-deep in transaction, choking on commerce.
You are of no use to our broken world because a woman who has forgotten her own magnificence can only EVER buy and sell.
You can wrap your lip-glossed lips around his cock all the live-long day but until you learn to wrap your HEART around his sex, the only thing you are in service to is getting him off. (Totes fine — but is the keg empty yet?)
Don’t demean yourself or HIM by “working” to please him, by performing a “job” or “maintenance” to keep him satisfied. It doesn’t serve the man nor the woman to feel like what is being shared is something called a “blowjob,” the word and act encoded in scarcity, commerce, and obligation.
The era of the blowjob is over.
In contrast to the lowly blowjob, cock worship is a royal, devotional, erotic act of creating a man as king.
Until you can open your mouth, your throat, and your heart in deepest devotion, in hungriest longing to envelop his sex inside your mouth: teeth, tongue, and watering flesh, you are no vessel for the healing function of Shakti. You are a petty worker, subjugated by every distorted thought that you have let yourself believe about what it means to truly respect and honor a man.
Cock sucking is soul sucking — and until you understand this, you are unconsciously perpetuating a lineage that keeps both men and women caged in a spell of erotic commerce and mediocrity.
The very moment you have a man’s cock in your mouth, you are either an archetypal emanation of “blowsy” — the manipulative feminine/prostitute — a woman who does not know her own wild beauty and feels like she needs to perform a “job” to keep his love — OR — you are a woman who knows how to create a man as King, Sultan, Pharaoh, Hero, Magi, Wizard. (Hint: you can’t be both, angelface.)
The moment you place his cock in your mouth because you want something (other than HIM and his sex) or because you are trying to GET, you instantly energetically step into the archetypal lineage of the manipulative feminine/prostitute.
If there is any part of you that does not desire him in his fullness — then STOP. If you proceed, it destroys both of you because it is a lie.
Proceeding with “blowing him” when it is not in your highest alignment and desire instantly collapses you into a timeline of manipulative feminine/prostitute, and prevents him from birthing himself into his wholeness (as King).
As we collectively rise, these templates of inauthenticity, compromised integrity, and archaic covert timelines of The Seller (prostitute, manipulative feminine, “blowsy”) and The Buyer (collapsed masculine who uses money to “buy love”) are going to crash.
Interestingly, actual prostitution and sex work feels totally sustainable and clean energetically because of the overt agreement and integrity of that container. I have no intention of slut shaming/sex work shaming/prostitute shaming. The *archetype* of the prostitute at the level of the Feminine consciousness is, however, an energetic leak for women who do not self-identify as sex workers.
MEN: If you are letting a woman get you off at the most mechanical and basic level of heat, wetness, and friction, that’s cool AND there is zero magic in that game. It will never alchemize you into your greatness.
Allowing yourself to receive low-level mediocrity creates low-level mediocrity. That is law.
Please stand for something greater for yourself AND her than a woman who has forgotten who she is and lets herself perform “acts” and “jobs” in service to you. A woman who gives “blowjobs” is a woman who is hunting, tracking the scent of what she can get.
Instead of an alchemical transmission and imprint of giving and receiving the most exalted royal codes of remembrance and wealth, you are both just colluding with each other’s beliefs of scarcity and mediocrity. There is nothing sexy about lovers collusion to support each other’s archaic distortions.
WOMEN: You need to remember how to wrap your heart around his cock– not just your lips. Give yourself permission to enter into a bliss state of heart-shattering, wild devotion through the act of cock worship. By giving at this level of creation, you are preparing your heart and and your energy system to receive at levels you have only let yourself imagine. It is through this doorway of raw, primal devotion to your man/the masculine that will cause him to create for you (and all of us) a world that we can once again animate with our deepest feminine essence.
Devotion does not just create devotion — it causes it.
Our world would be a better place if women could understand and remember that they are the golden chalice — Cosmic Queens of the Highest Order — and their sex, their heart, and their devotion to the masculine..to a man and his cock…is what will begin to heal the broken-heart of our bleeding world.
Note 1: This piece is so heteronormative it hurts. I know. And I am not sure what I can do differently when my lens is alchemical and hieros gamos codes are part of my medicine.
Note 2: We’ve all been siphoned down archaic languaging expressions that are encoded to demean both men and women, as well as the erotic acts of devotion they describe. It’s up to us — as acts of love and devotion first to self, and then to other, to be in relationship to these expressions, and to consciously feel whether they can hold our beauty, our sex, and our devotion.
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I love this piece. I think it holds a great deal of truth. I know that my own enjoyment of cock worship is because I have felt safe, magical, devoted to my desire – and his. When safety and mutual desire are part of your sexual foundation, I believe healing can occur. At the very least, enjoyment goes waaaay up. I know that good sex can change the world for the better. And I think that this radical notion of removing the transaction of sex and returning to the union of sex is one of the ways in which sexual healing occurs.
For those of you who aren’t at this level yet, I want to be really clear: the power dynamics here are about not having power dynamics. The woman is so in love or so desirous of her lover that the blow job isn’t a job- it’s a joy, a worship of him and his body, a worship of his desire and sex. The same goes for guys going down on a woman. He is entranced by her body, her love, her energy. He wants to bring her pleasure and bury all of himself in her sex. Oral sex isn’t a quid pro quo exchange; in the above article, it’s holding the most sacred parts of our lover in the most delicate parts of ourselves, and promising it won’t bring danger, but, rather, devotion. (See also: The Spiritual Side of Oral Sex.)
What do you think, fellow travelers?
What has good sex done for you?
What has bad sex done for you?
Have you ever traded sex for safety? peace? recognition? (how did that go?)
Do you feel safe in the mouth of your lover?
What does safety, care, and desire do for your sexual encounters?
I hope you found this interesting, or at least thought provoking.
Big love on this Christmas Eve eve,
Joanna :: xoxo