She, as any good coach does, offered me something brilliant. She said, “You need a new metaphor. Your sensuality is not something you have to reach out for. It is the glue of your life.”
Oh, those words hit home.
My chest warmed up, something deep within me opened up and accepted those words like food.
Deep nourishment for my soul.
Yes, I could imagine that my sensuality was the glue of my life.
I wanted it to be that way.
Over the last few weeks, I have begun to play with this metaphor – to live as if it were true.
In the midst of the snowstorm this week, and an emotional funk, I held on to this metaphor for dear life. In my difficulties, I could trust that my sensuality would be part of my life.
I remained connected to my sensual practices, but also just went about my day knowing, finally really knowing that my sensuality was intact, inherent.
What a feeling it has been.
It has saved my mood, my patience, and my sense of myself in the last few weeks.
Part of playing with this new metaphor has been to experience my sensuality in everyday activities, including spiritual ones.
Lately, I have been combining my usual practice of breath meditation with a tantric practice.
Breath meditation is a Buddhist practice that is simply about sitting quietly and focusing on the breath. Noticing the simple in/out flow from the nostrils and paying attention to that, over and over again.
The tantric practice involves using the breath to draw sexual energy up from the genitals and spread it into the rest of the body.
Basically, I sat and breathed (in/out, in/out) and let any sexual energy I felt move up through my body.
This was a very calming practice. But it also showed me something very beautiful and important: my breath is my most basic sensual practice and awareness.
I noticed the simple sensuality of the breath – how my ribs expand and contract, how the feeling of breathing opened my hips, my belly, my chest. How my breath just felt good.
I felt enlivened simply from breathing.
No matter where I go or what I’m doing, I can breathe and immediately feel my sensuality.
It no longer needs ‘connecting’ – it is just here.
The breath is the glue of our life (what are we without it?) and sensuality is the same.
How grateful I am to be alive and know this, with every breath.