A big part of why I write this blog is to explore my own path of trying to make love with life, experience the spiritual side of sex (and the sexual side of spirituality), and a lot of that happens when I start looking for clues.
Where might the answers be?
Lots of places.
I found another one!
I was watching Layla Martin’s video about the secret to being an awesome lover. (I took her online Sexual Mastery course. Really great stuff- I promise to review it sometime!) In it she talks about how she – and other tantrikas she was on a panel with – have been complimented on their blow-j0b skills. She shares the deeper secret that great blow j0bs – and great love-making in general- are great because of adoration.
When we’re with someone we adore, our lovemaking becomes much more focused, pleasurable, and enjoyable for everyone. We want to give pleasure to someone we adore, and that gives us pleasure in return. And that makes sex better. Even spiritual.
I was considering this concept of adoration in my own life. I have been given the same compliment, and it is absolutely because I adore the person I’m with (or have been with). That adoration of them, their body, their breath, their eyes, their being makes the sex -and blow j0bs- amazing.
My husband made mention about this a few weeks ago. He said, “It was like you were worshipping me.”
It felt that way because I was.
Adoration is not that far from worship.
So, yes, being a great lover is about adoration.
Adoring who you’re with.
Adoring what you’re doing.
They feed one another, I believe.
That is one clue.
But as I kept thinking about what Layla had shared, I was also realizing that I don’t just adore the person I’m with when I’m having sex (and especially when giving a blow j0b). I actually like giving oral sex.
Oh my god. I’m admitting that.
I might as well admit that I’m the Sasquatch, too. (A mythical creature you’ve only read about…)
Now, certain circumstances apply: feeling safe, being emotionally connected, adoring my partner.
If those are not present, no one’s getting their rocks off. (Not me, not him, not no one.)
But after that? Hell, yes!
And what I realized about my enthusiasm for oral sex is that I love the CREATIVITY.
I think pretty much any human – man and woman – will tell you that the tongue is the best sexual organ ever.
(You know I’m right.)
And part of what I dig about oral sex is that there are so many ways to be creative.
So many tools.
Hands. Mouth. Tongue. Teeth (if you’re brave and careful!).
The palm of the hand. The tips of the fingers. The tip of the tongue. The soft lips.
Pressure, heat, swirls, slides, taking it so very slowly…..
There are a limited number of things you can do with orifices.
But mouths, tongues, and hands? Infinite possibilities!
And those infinite possibilities excite the hell out of me.
I think I figured out I love creative sex.
Now, take a breath. Calm down.
Because this might be about blow j0bs and adoration and creativity, but it’s also about figuring out what turns us on.
If adoration and creativity turn me on inside the bedroom, then those are probably what will turn me on more in my outside-the-bedroom life.
That’s what those clues are really about.
If I want to make love with life, to live sensually, then I think adoration and creativity are going to have to play a bigger part in what I do, how I live, and how I approach life.
This is not to say that I’m going to, guns blazing, start being all creative and adore whatever I do. My life is busy and I only have so much time to focus on change. But these are clues. And they are helpful clues.
They’re going to get me to what I want.
If you want to have enjoy life more, take a small step and ask yourself: what is it about sex that is so amazing? Connection?
Look at your life, and figure out how to get more of that.